dix huit

I was recently (meaning just now) thinking (which I should stop doing) about how I (for some reason) cannot stop reflecting on the past year. There is a cure for people who think too much. It's called being active. Having friends, being busy. Which I feel like I have been. Busy. Yet, I keep rumaging on the past, things I should have done, things I should have said. Even saying them out loud on my way home (lame? yes.) 

Stop and look at the future. New leaf.

To be fair though, (my new 'over used in all the conversations I have' expression), it takes time to get over some emotional turmoil (that's right I can use sophisticated words) because it is with time that you realize things you could not before. Wise people say it and wise people are right (unlike regular people).

So yes, in time, my friends, in time. 

Let's wait another five years until something exciting happens, shall we?

(please no)

dis: sept

I am about to finish my year in the north of England to move to my new job in the south. I have very mixed feelings about the whole experience. Because, see, I did not have a good time here. Not because of the place itself, I actually think north of England is lovely, but because of intense work and lack of friends.

People don't like to hear that you spent ten miserable months on your own and that, yes, even looking back, even with some distance, you'll still feel the same way about it. Miserable. People want to hear that you had some bad times but they were overruled by great ones. Well, sometimes it doesn't work that way (and sometimes people suck).

To be honest, I will probably look back at it later on and see how it was not that bad. But the feeling of loneliness and out-of-placeness are unsettling. Adding intense work none stop did not help.  

It is a strange situation to only have collegues and no friends. You meet people for professional reasons and yes, you can be friendly with them but it has its limits. After ten months, I feel my collegues do not know me at all and showed no interest in knowing me. We had the staff summer ball yesterday and it was only more flagrant. 

And out of all the sad things, I think this is the saddest.